ciao, sei molto bella

step off me right now, chil’

I just worked out hard and i need to eat, and i deserve to eat. Its a little later than usual for my workout but i cant just eat nothing.

Its only egg whites with vegetables, 1 cup of spinach with a little corn and sweet onion viniagrette, and 500ml of water.
What’s the problem here??

She’s making little comments like i’m over here eating an all you can eat buffet of grease.

lower body was the focus today, but did a lot of stretching/yoga for my upper body too

I just hooked up wiifit again, in my bedroom, so i fiddled on it for 30 minutes. It’s fun for stretching!

lets not talk about calories, though. Less than 600 today, again.

Here I am at the prime of my life, 21 years old, and entering dangerous territory. My weight gain has spiraled out of control.

More importantly, I feel very unhealthy. I used to be a very fit person despite my weight or size, but now climbing a flight of stairs winds me, I can do ten crunches, no pushups, I cannot hold my own weight up on a bar, or to climb.

Today, I begin the first day of many, my own journey. I will call it a weight loss journey but it has to mean so much more to me.I do not aim to be thinner entirely, but to become more fit, to feel better, healthier, happier, stronger. I want to run marathons, the cure for cancer run, the 10 mile telethon we have at the end of the year in October.

I have made a choice to gradually venture into veganism, for my own personal benefits. I do believe in animal rights, and I care about how feeding produce stock affects the environment, but the biggest benefit of all is for me to eat clean and feel good. I won’t be watching any of these ‘farm to fridge’ or the ‘truth behind your food’ videos, because while they offer education, they are also scare tactics, and i feel that no one should ever make such a big change in their life and diet because they felt guilty, or obligated to because they love animals.

  All of these things will be difficult, and it is possible I may never become fully vegan. I am in recovery for an eating disorder, and still I don’t eat much, still I don’t get enough nutrients or protein, so right now meat is very important to me. Taking it one day at a time will be an excellent adventure!

I am not counting calories, at the start I will just eat whatever I want, after day 7 I intend to begin counting the servings I eat. Never counting calories, unless it is for the sake of a net deficit.

currently, I am sitting at 240 pounds, my highest weight ever. I am filled with shame, but i need to remember it is only a number, it will never reflect on my worth.

I am hoping to make some friends, who are on a similar journey, because I need a support system and connections to be successful.

Take care.