aiming to go once this morning and back again in the evening, if possible.
I don’t think i want to talk about the last few weeks. I really missed my tumblr but had no time to post, and felt to embarrassed because i wasnt doing very good. I am not sure how much I weight, I know I gained a few pounds, and a lot of inches, i don’t look or feel good right now.
I started working my new job, its a 4am stocking shift. You’d think that would be good for me, moving around, lifting, but really, I am always dehydrated, I don’t eat breakfast or any food, the only way I ate more than 300 calories in a day was because I was eating potato chips and pepsi. I feel like crap and getting up for work is getting harder and harder, I have no energy, and the dehydration is giving me bad heartburn every night and morning, and I don’t think I have to describe the migraines. I’ve had thoughts of relapsing with my ED and my health is really not good. I knew I had to do something about out, and fast. So here I am. The good news is I have money, so I can afford to pay the gym, and so i can go regularly once more. I can also buy my own food now. I am going to try to make food to bring to work with me. Its hard because who wants to eat a big meal at 7am? But I’m going to have to do it.
One day I brought food in to work with me on my second or third day, and my coworker commented on how she could never eat such a big meal[it was a few sweet and sour chicken with maybe 5 forkfuls of brown rice and green peas] and i threw it in the garbage and haven’t eaten anything there since, not good, since ive been there 6 weeks now.
So yeah, you can see I am not in a healthy mindframe in many ways. I have been suffering and feeling very down and looking at my reflection gives me pains, i feel like i am not myself, my reflection doesn’t match me, and neither does this quitting attitude you know?
I guess everyone has down days.